The New FLAW
April 30, 2007
*The view is backstage with Happyheart, Robodile, Don Combo, and Azul Combo.*
Happyheart: Yaaaay!!! Finally, we get to fight in this tournament! We're the last four people in round 1! Unfortunately, only two of us can move on, which is a shame, because you're all my friends!
Don Combo: Yeah, mayn, I'm not looking forward to fighting mi amigos. But eet must be done, ese.
Happyheart: Yeah. So far, four heels and two faces have advanced to round 2. All four of us are faces, which means, barring an unexpected heel turn, there will be four faces and four heels in round 2! Which is pretty cool!
Azul: Uh... faces and heels...?
Happyheart: Good guys and bad guys. It's wrestling terminology.
Robodile: But, dog, there are no clear-cut good guys and bad guys in wrestling, because wrestling is REAL, remember?
Happyheart: Uh, well...
Robodile: REMEMBER?! *makes a head motion toward the camera*
Happyheart: ...Oh yeah!!! Wrestling is one hundred percent real! It's not scripted at all! Nosiree!
Robodile: Well, anyway, Don Combo, you'll be fighting first, since you were requested by a fan. Good luck out there, homie.
Don Combo: Gracias, mayn! I'm gonna geev eet my best! Adios, amigos!
*Don Combo walks off screen. The view switches to Joe and Dan.*
Joe: Welcome once again to a great episode of the New FLAW! I'm Joe Higashi, and with me as always is my commentating partner, Dan Hibiki!
Dan: WAAZAAAAAAAAP!!!
Joe: Today, we're having the last two matches in round 1 of the FLAW Championship Tournament! The two people who win today's matches will join the six people who have already advanced to round 2! We have four fan favorites here today, including Captain Happyheart, Robodile, Azul Combo, and today's fan-requested wrestler, Don Combo!
Dan: DON COMBO IS A DRUNK!
Joe: Well, he uses drunken boxing, yes, but you don't have to be so rude about it.
Dan: I'm not being rude! He really is a drunk, and he flaunts it! I think he's cool.
Joe: Many fans agree with you there. Well, it looks like it's time for the first match!
Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a round 1 match of the FLAW Championship Tournament!
*Don Combo's theme song, "Beer in Mexico" by Kenny Chesney, plays as Don Combo wobbles to the ring.*
Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring... from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 213 pounds... DON COMBO!
Joe: Don Combo has typically been a hardcore wrestler in the past, making good use of foreign objects to gain an advantage! How will he fare in an atmosphere where such actions will get you disqualified?
Dan: We'll see, Joe!
*Don Combo slides into the ring and gets into his corner. The crowd sits silently for a few seconds. So do Joe and Dan, because they're tired of being all like "Who's the next wrestler?! OMG I can't wait to find out!!!" Finally, "Hummingbird" by Seals and Crofts plays over the loudspeakers, and Azul Combo comes out onto the stage. She looks at her father, hesitantly, before running to the ring.*
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 115 pounds... AZUL COMBO!
Joe: It seems like Don Combo's worst fear has come true here today! Don Combo will be fighting one on one against his own daughter!
Dan: What's the big deal? Parents fight with their daughters all the time.
Joe: Not like THIS, they don't!
*Azul slides into the ring, gets in her corner, and looks at her father. Both wrestlers look hesitant. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Dan: THIS HERE MATCH BE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111
Joe: Woah. Switch to decaf.
Dan: Sorry! I'm just excited today.
Joe: I can tell. Anyway, Don and Azul are looking at each other, not knowing exactly what to do! How can a father and a daughter fight against each other? It's just not right! But wait! Don Combo is making a move! He bounces off the ropes, runs at Azul, and connects with an enzuigiri right upside her head! Azul clearly did not expect that! Don Combo goes for a cover! ONE! And Azul kicks out at just a one count!
Dan: I guess Don pinned her a bit too early there!
Joe: Apparently so! Azul gets back to her feet, and now she looks determined! She runs at Don Combo at a great speed and hits an enzuigiri of her own! Don Combo hits the mat, but rolls and gets back on his feet! For some reason, he's smiling! Don Combo beckons Azul to come at him! Azul rushes at Don Combo, but Don leaps over her! She bounces off again, but Don drops to his stomach and avoids her again! On the third rebound, Don Combo grabs Azul and connects with a FLAPJACK!
Dan: Pancakes?? Where?!
Joe: Azul lands flat on her face! Don Combo rolls her over and goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! And Azul kicks out at two! Don Combo reaches for the feathers on Azul's head, preparing to lift her to her feet, but Azul surprises Don with a small package! ONE! TWO! Don Combo barely kicks out at two! Wow!
Dan: I'm serious! Where are the pancakes?
Joe: Both fighters back on their feet! They're sizing each other up, preparing for their next move! Finally, Don Combo swings at Azul with a right hand, connecting with her face! Azul responds with a punch of her own! They're punching each other alternately with everything they've got! But Don Combo's superior strength allows him to gain the advantage! He hits her with a few more punches, and then Irish whips her into the corner! He quickly runs after her and hits her with a big knee to the gut in the corner! Azul stumbles, dazed, and falls to the mat! Don Combo leaps to the top turnbuckle!
Dan: I know what's next! THE DOS EQUIS SPLASH!
Joe: You're right, Dan! Don Combo flies through the air with his arms and legs spread out! AND HE CONNECTS WITH THE DOS EQUIS! DOS EQUIS! DOS EQUIS!
Dan: OH MAH GAWD! THIS HERE MATCH BE OVA!
Joe: Don Combo goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! THR- NO!!! Azul kicked out! She kicked out of her father's finishing move!!! Don Combo is bewildered!
Dan: I CANNOT BELIEVE IT EITHER!
Joe: Don Combo grabs Azul by the head feathers and pulls her to her feet, but she jumps up and hits him with a surprise HURRICANRANA INTO A PIN! The Referee drops to the mat! ONE! TWO! And a kickout by Don Combo!
Dan: Amazing!
Joe: Don Combo and Azul both manage to get back onto their feet! They stare at each other for a while, then simultaneously bounce off of opposite ropes! They come back at each other and hit each other with simultaneous clotheslines! Don Combo and Azul are both down! The Referee begins the ten count!
The Referee: ONE! TWO! THREE!
Joe: Can either wrestler answer the ten count?
The Referee: FOUR! FIVE!
Dan: I have no idea, but I don't want the match to end like this!
The Referee: SIX! SEVEN!
Joe: Wait! Both wrestlers are struggling to get back up!
The Referee: EIGHT! NINE!
Joe: And right at the nine count, both wrestlers are back up! And there they go again, staring each other down!
Dan: INTENSE INTENSITY!
Joe: Once again, they both bounce off of opposite ropes! They come back at each other! Don Combo goes for a clothesline, but Azul ducks it and keeps running! They rebound again, come back at each other, and Azul CONNECTS with a WHIRLYBIRD KICK! WHIRLYBIRD KICK! WHIRLYBIRD KICK!
Dan: It's GOT to be over now!
Joe: Azul, exhausted, collapses on top of Don Combo for a pin! ONE! TWO! THREE!
*The bell rings.*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner by pinfall... AZUL COMBO!
Joe: Azul Combo defeats her father to become the seventh person to advance to round 2! What a match that was! Both fighters gave it their all, but in the end, Azul was able to come out on top!
Dan: Hey, Don Combo's going over to Azul!
Joe: You're right! Don Combo stares at Azul, looking downtrodden at his loss! But wait! Don Combo embraces Azul in a big hug, and then raises her arm in the air in victory! What sportsmanship!
Dan: It's kinda like Don is passing the torch to his daughter!
Joe: It would seem so, Dan! Today's generation shows a lot of promise, that's for sure! Well, that's it for this fight. Tune in after the break, as the last two competitors compete for the final spot in round 2 of the tournament! It'll be Captain Happyheart vs. Robodile!
Dan: What a match-up!
Joe: Stay tuned, FLAW fans!
INTERMISSION
David: Hello, fans! This is David R. Kett, and I'm here with the final two competitors of round 1 of the tournament, Captain Happyheart and Robodile. Now, this is a very interesting match. Happyheart, you were the first Gold Champion in the original FLAW, so you're the favorite to win this match. Do you think being a former champion will give you an advantage?
Happyheart: Boy, I wish that was the case, Davey! Being a former champ puts a lot of pressure on a guy to live up to others' expectations, making it easy to falter! But I'm going to give it my best anyway! :3
David: That's a good point, Captain. Now, Robodile, obviously, you're the bigger and stronger man in this match. Are you planning on using your size advantage to beat Captain Happyheart?
Robodile: It's like this, dawg. I got all the respeck in da world fo' Happyheart. He's a great fighter and a great personal friend of mine. But he's had his time in the sun, y'know what I'm sayin'? Tonight, it's Robodile's time to shine.
David: That... doesn't really answer my question, but okay, thank you. I wish both of you luck on your match.
Robodile: Word.
Happyheart: Thankees! ^_^ *huggles David*
*The view goes back to Joe and Dan.*
Joe: Well, there you have it. A very interesting clash of styles, as the flashy and flamboyant former champion, Captain Happyheart, goes up against the brute force of the robotic rapping reptile, Robodile. What's your prediction, Dan?
Dan: A great fight!
Joe: I'd say that's a safe bet!
Ring Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a round 1 match of the FLAW Championship Tournament!
*Captain Happyheart's music, "Gala Gala Happy" by DJ Softhard, plays over the loudspeakers, as Happyheart leaps out with the cheesiest grin imaginable plastered on his face, and dances stupidly down the aisle.*
Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring... from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, weighing in at 177 pounds... CAPTAIN HAPPYHEART!
*Captain Happyheart leaps into the ring, climbs the turnbuckle in his corner, and Orton-poses as pink sparkles fall from his body. He then leaps back down and faces the center. Then, "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer plays, as Robodile comes out onto the stage and busts out some phat rhymes (fo' shizzle) as he makes his way down the aisle.*
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... from Puerto Lagarto, Florida, weighing in at 400 pounds... ROBODILE!
*Robodile throws his wide-brimmed hat into the audience, and climbs into the ring. He gets into his corner and faces Happyheart. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Dan: THIS HERE MATCH BE AWN!
Joe: Less enthusiasm this time, huh?
Dan: I kinda blew my load during the first one.
Joe: ...Too much information. Anyway, Happyheart and Robodile start this match with a quick lock-up! They both try to gain an advantage, but Robodile just uses his superior strength and pushes Happyheart to the ground! He follows up with an elbow drop, which Happyheart dodges! Happyheart stands back up, and goes for an elbow drop of his own! But Robodile dodges it, and goes for another elbow drop! Happyheart dodges! Happyheart elbow drops! Robodile dodges! Robodile elbow drops!
Dan: BOOOOOO-RIIIIIIIING!
Joe: How unprofessional of you, Dan.
Dan: Well, it's BORING! I want them to do something else!
Joe: Well, it looks like you're getting your wish! Robodile waits for Happyheart to get up this time! Happyheart is up! Robodile goes for a SPEAR! But Happyheart side-steps it at the last second, sending Robodile THROUGH THE ROPES and HEAD FIRST INTO THE BARRICADE!!!
Dan: SO TOTALLY NOT BORING!!!
Joe: Robodile is busted open! Oil begins flowing from the cut on his head! Happyheart goes out of the ring to follow him! Happyheart grabs him by the arm, and tosses him back into the ring! Happyheart gets back in as well, and he stands there, waiting for Robodile to get back up! Robodile staggers back to his feet, but Happyheart hits him with a toe kick, followed by a HAPPY HEADBREAKER! HAPPY HEADBREAKER!
Dan: What's a Happy Headbreaker, again?
Joe: A swinging tornado DDT. Pay attention.
Dan: Whatever.
Joe: Robodile is floored by the move! Happyheart gets back up and stands at Robodile's head, looking out to the crowd! He points at Robodile's head, and then at the ropes! Looks like he's going for The Leg Drop! Happyheart runs to the ropes, bounces off, comes back, and lands a DEVASTATING THE LEG DROP RIGHT ACROSS ROBODILE'S FACE!
Dan: HOLY CRAPPY McCRAPPERSON!
Joe: Happyheart covers! ONE! TWO! THR- WAIT! ROBODILE KICKED OUT OF THE LEG DROP!
Dan: Nobody has ever done that ever ever EVER!
Joe: Can Robodile make his comeback right here?
Dan: No. Look, Happyheart's doing another The Leg Drop.
Joe: You're right! without the build-up this time, Happyheart lands on Robodile with ANOTHER THE LEG DROP! And he covers again! ONE! TWO! THREE!
*The bell rings.*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner by pinfall... CAPTAIN HAPPYHEART!
Joe: And that's it! Robodile was not able to overcome the odds, and the former Gold Champion, Captain Happyheart, is headed to round 2! The initial group of sixteen has now been cut down to eight! It will be Doriaan McHawk, Terrance Beauregard, Allen O'Neil, Mr. Karate, Giant Enemy Crab, CATS, Azul Combo, and Captain Happyheart, all vying for the chance to become the FLAW Champion!
Dan: EXCITING EXCITEMENT!!!
Joe: Indeed, Dan. Tune in this Wednesday to watch the first two of the four matches in round 2! And this time, there is no interactive feature for the fans! In the interest of fairness, all of the matches from here on out will be completely random!
Dan: Well, shouldn't we be able to get an idea of who is going to compete each episode!
Joe: You'll just have to tune in on Wednesday, May 2, to find out!
Dan: You can guarantee that I'll be there!
Joe: You better be; it's your job!
Dan: Oh yeah.
Joe: Anyway, we'll see you on Wednesday! Goodnight, everybody!
FLAW News
Mr. Karate Draws Number 1; Will Fight in the First Match on Wednesday
May 1, 2007
This morning, there was a random drawing to determine all the matches for round 2 of the FLAW Championship Tournament. Only the members of the FLAW Committee know the results of the drawing, and will not reveal the results until the time of the matches.
However, the Committee has chosen to reveal that Mr. Karate was the man who drew number 1 in this drawing. As a result, he will be fighting in the first match to take place Wednesday, May 2. His opponent, the person who drew number 2, will be revealed at the time of his match.
The people who drew number 3 and number 4, respectively, will fight in the second match of the evening. The contestants of that match will be revealed at the time of the match.
Tune in Wednesday, May 2, to see these exciting matches.