The New FLAW
Episode 12
June 18, 2007
Joe: Welcome to another edition of the New FLAW! I'm Joe Higashi.
Dan: And I'm Spartacus!
Joe: Actually, he's Dan Hibiki. We've got a great show for you tonight! Originally, Captain Happyheart was going to get a shot at Mr. Karate's title shot. However, on last week's broadcast, Azul Combo was severely injured by Giant Enemy Crab, and has been put out of action indefinitely! Seeking revenge, Don Combo and Senor Caliente have requested a tag team match against CATS and Giant Enemy Crab for tonight, and the title match was pushed back to Monday!
Dan: Good. I still haven't placed my bet on who's going to win that match.
Joe: You're using our show for gambling, Dan?
Dan: Yeah, I got a little bet going on with the boys down in the Losers' Lounge.
Joe: Well, whatever. We've got David R. Kett backstage, ready to talk to some of the participants in the match! David?
*The screen cuts to David R. Kett, lying unconscious in a pool of his own blood.*
Joe: Oh my God!
Dan: They killed David! Again!
Joe: ...We'll try to figure out what happened to David R. Kett, ladies and gentlemen. But right now, it's time for the match!
King: The following match is a tag team match!
*"Caliente" by Los Pericos plays as Combo and Caliente walk down the aisle, looking stern and serious. While walking, a fan reaches for Caliente and accidentally rips his shirt off.*
King: Making their way to the ring... at a combined weight of 480 pounds, they are Don Combo and Senor Ignacio Caliente... the AMIGOS OF GLORY!
Dan: Here they come, ready for action!
Joe: The Amigos are guaranteed to be looking for some glory tonight! What Giant Enemy Crab did to Azul is unforgivable!
*The tag team gets in their corner. Combo chooses to be the legal man. Then, "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" by Laziest Men on Mars plays as CATS walks down the aisle, followed by Giant Enemy Crab.*
King: And their opponents... at a combined weight of 845 pounds, they are CATS and Giant Enemy Crab... GREAT JUSTICE!
*Giant Enemy Crab takes CATS's cape off, and helps him into the ring. CATS chooses to be the legal man. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Dan: THIS HERE MATCH BE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWN!!!!!!
*Suddenly, a runaway subway car crashes through the entrance, and travels halfway down the aisle before skidding to a stop. After a few seconds, a middle-aged man with long brown hair and regal black clothing steps out of the car.*
Joe: What...in the... world...?
Dan: IT'S MICHAEL IRONSIDE!!!
Joe: The strange man is walking toward the ring! Senor Caliente is climbing down from off the apron to confront him! Caliente and the man stand face to face... AND THE MAN PUNCHES CALIENTE IN THE STOMACH! With Caliente stunned, the man lifts Caliente and drops him across his knee in a powerful backbreaker! Now Don Combo's coming after the man! Combo swings at the man, but he ducks under the fist and gets behind Combo! He kicks Combo in the back, wraps his arm around Combo's neck, bends him backwards, and spins underneath him, DEVASTATING HIM WITH AN UNBELIEVABLE ROLLING CUTTER!
Dan: WHAT THE CRAP IS HE DOING THIS STUFF FOR!?!?!?!
Joe: I have no idea, but CATS is applauding him! Could he be working for CATS?
Dan: God damn it, I hope not! Why anyone would team with CATS, I have no idea!
Joe: The man is climbing into the ring! CATS has seized a microphone from King, and is getting ready to speak to the man!
CATS: Well done, sir! I have to say, you saved me a lot of trouble by taking care of those cretins!
Joe: The man stares at CATS silently! But wait! He grabs CATS by the shirt and tosses him into the corner, following up with a bevy of lefts and rights!
Dan: WOOHOO! BEAT HIM UP REAL GOOD NOW!
Joe: The man pulls CATS off the turnbuckle and stares into his eyes! CATS is pleading for mercy!
Dan: He's just a snivelling baby! HAHAHA!
Joe: The man decides not to listen to CATS's pleas, and hits him with another one of those rolling cutters! CATS has been completely devastated in the middle of the ring! Now, the man is getting a microphone!
???: Now, you sir... you are Giant Enemy Crab, are you not?
Crab: *nods*
???: You seem fairly intelligent for a humanoid crustacean. Surely you can tell that I am much stronger than your master there. Wouldn't you rather serve a great warlord, with the strength needed to help you get anything you desire?
*CATS crawls over to his microphone and picks it up.*
CATS: Don't listen to this man! I, CATS, am your master, and YOU SHALL SERVE NO OTHER!
Joe: Giant Enemy Crab looks confused! He keeps looking back and forth between CATS and the mysterious man, trying to decide who his master should be! But wait! It looks like he's making a decision! He's walking over to CATS, and offering his claw to help CATS up!
CATS: I knew you would make the right decision!
Joe: Crab is helping CATS to his feet! ...BUT WAIT! Out of nowhere, Giant Enemy Crab hoists CATS onto his shoulders, and DROPS HIM TO THE MAT WITH A DEVASTATING SAMOAN DROP! GIANT ENEMY CRAB HAS BETRAYED CATS!
Dan: YAY!
*The mysterious man laughs and claps as Crab stands up and takes his place by the man's side.*
???: Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful! I knew you were a smart creature indeed. Now, I'm sure you're all wondering who I am, and why I have come here. My name is General Katana, and I have come here from an ancient civilization known as Zeist. There is one person in particular that I have come for. Croc, if you're back there, I want you out here right now!
Joe: This man wants Croc? But why?
Dan: I DON'T KNOW! I'M ONE OF THE BIGGEST LEGENDSTARS IN THIS... GAAAAH!
*Suddenly, X-Croc's theme song, "Hero" by Papaya, plays, and Croc comes out onto the devastated stage with a microphone.*
Croc: What do you want, Katana?
Katana: All I wish is a match with you, Croc.
Croc: Why do you want to fight me specifically? I've never even met you in my life.
Katana: My reasons are my business. Just know that I wish to fight against you.
Croc: Fine, I don't care what your reasons are! You disrespect the company by coming out here in the middle of a match, and destroying everyone in it for no reason! You sicken me, and I can't wait to teach you a lesson!
Katana: Excellent. How does Monday sound?
Croc: YOU'RE ON!
Joe: Well, with the current state of the wrestlers, obviously we cannot continue the scheduled match, so I guess we'll just end the show here!
Dan: Awww! No match today?
Joe: Not this time, Dan. But this Wednesday, Mr. Karate will battle with Captain Happyheart, with the FLAW Championship on the line! Then, on the following Monday, newcomer General Katana will battle against X-Croc!
Dan: Sounds like an awesome lineup worthy of Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling!
Joe: It sure is! We'll see you then, FLAW fans!
END
FLAW News
King Released
June 19, 2007
Following the insanity of General Katana's destructive first appearance on FLAW, King asked for, and was granted, an early release from her contract.
"This job is just too dangerous," said King. "I'd much rather go back to running my bar in Southtown. Besides, I've got a kid on the way, and I need to worry about the well-being of my child."
The previous ring announcer, Nelson Ouncer, will resume his duties starting Wednesday.
We wish King the best in her future endeavors.
FLAW Fan Feedback Frenzy!
June 19, 2007
Welcome to the first edition of FLAW Fan Feedback Frenzy!, where we at FLAW want feedback from YOU, our fans!
Today, we have two questions. Our first question has to do with the new wrestler, General Katana. What do YOU think General Katana's motives are for targeting X-Croc?
We also want to hear your predictions for Mr. Karate's title defense against Captain Happyheart. What do you think will happen? Which combatant do YOU think will come out on top?
We are also open for questions from our readers at any time, regarding FLAW itself, its rules, its wrestlers, and anything else that has to do with FLAW. We will try to answer any questions to the best of our ability.
Your feedback is encouraged. Also, tune in tomorrow for Mr. Karate vs. Captain Happyheart for the FLAW World Championship of the World.
FLAW News
June 26, 2007
Hey guys. Because of all the craziness that's happened recently with Chris Benoit, I just don't feel like writing a wrestling story anymore. Everything wrestling-related just seems so insignificant in comparison. Thus, the New FLAW is being put on hiatus until I feel like writing about wrestling again, which probably won't be for some time.