The New FLAW
April 23, 2007
Joe: Welcome to our first ever airing of the New FLAW! The company has gone through some major restructuring, and partner, I can't wait to see how it all plays out!
Dan: Same here, Joe! I'm just thrilled to be able to watch a new, more improved version of Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling!
Joe: Well, Dan, let's get this started! I'm your play by play commentator, Joe Higashi, and this is my friend, the color commentator, Dan Hibiki.
Dan: *flashes a smile and a thumbs-up*
Joe: Today, we're going to have the first two matches in the first ever FLAW Championship Tournament! By viewer request, BK Punk, a new superstar here at FLAW, will be wrestling in the first match against one of fifteen other competitors! The winner of that match will advance to round 2 of this four-round tournament!
Dan: Yahooie! Fun times!
Joe: We've also got a second round 1 match-up here today! By viewer request, X-Croc will battle in this second fight, provided he isn't chosen as BK Punk's opponent in the first fight!
Dan: I can't wait for that, either! I happen to be an X-Croc fan, myself!
Joe: Sweet. Well, anyway, David R. Kett is back stage with BK Punk! David?
*The view switches to back stage.*
David: Yes, Joe, I'm here with BK Punk. BK, for what reasons are you competing in this tournament?
BK Punk: Well, mate, I'm here to prove the power of England, as well as show that you can be completely drug free and still do great in this sport!
David: I find it hard to believe you're drug free.
BK Punk: Oy! I am most certainly drug free, ya bugger!
David: Sure you are. Well, good luck in your match. Joe?
*The view switches back to the commentators.*
Joe: Thanks, David. Well, we're getting ready for the first match!
Dan: YAHOOIE!
Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a first round match in the FLAW Championship Tournament!
*BK Punk's theme song, "Seeing Red" by Minor Threat, plays as Punk walks down the aisle.*
Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring... from London, England, weighing in at 172 pounds... BK PUNK!
*BK Punk gets in the ring and stands in his corner, anxiously awaiting to find out who his opponent is.*
Joe: Who will BK Punk fight?
Dan: The suspense is killing me!
*Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the stage. A billow of smoke envelopes the entrance as a DeLorean drives out. "Living in a Box" by Living in a Box plays over the loudspeakers. The car drives down to the ring and stops. A square-shaped panel on the roof of the car slides open as Doriaan McHawk rises out of it on a rising platform.*
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... from Leonardo, Massachusetts of the future, weighing in at 250 pounds... DORIAAN MCHAWK!
Joe: It's Doriaan McHawk! Formerly fighting alongside Croc Brown in HNC-9000, McHawk makes his singles debut here! Who will come out on top?!
Dan: The person who wins.
Joe: Oh really?
Dan: Yeah really!
Joe: No way!
*McHawk leaps into the ring from the roof of the car and gets into his corner. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Joe: And this match is on! McHawk and Punk sizing each other up... and they lock up! No hesitation from either wrestler this time! BK Punk rotates behind McHawk and wraps his arms around McHawk's midsection! BK Punk tries for a German suplex, but McHawk elbows Punk in the face, breaking the hold! McHawk follows up with a spinning heel kick! Punk is flat on the mat!
Dan: What an epic maneuver that was, Joe!
Joe: Epic indeed, Dan! But wait! Punk scrambles to his hands and knees, and knocks McHawk to the mat with a chop block!
Dan: What flair!
Joe: With McHawk on the mat, Punk presses the advantage! He quickly seizes McHawk's arm, and locks him in a painful cross armbreaker! McHawk is squirming in pain! He could tap out right here! But wait! McHawk shifts his position, putting Punk into a pinning predicament! One! Two! And Punk has to break the hold to get out of the pin!
Dan: Excitement abounds!
Joe: Both fighters get back on their feet! McHawk is clearly aching from the armbreaker! Punk uses the opportunity to grab that same arm again and put McHawk in a hammerlock! McHawk is screaming in pain! It looks like he's thinking of tapping out! BUT WAIT! McHawk thrusts his leg upward, hitting Punk with a low blow!!!
Dan: Ouchy! Is that legal?
Joe: It is! The only things that will get you disqualified in a match in the New FLAW are the use of a foreign object, or outside interference! Any move you can do with your own body to the other person is legal: low blows, chokes, eye pokes, all of it!
Dan: Funky! Thanks for the clarification!
Joe: Punk lets go of the hold! He's seriously hurting here! But wait! McHawk spins around and hits Punk right in the chin with a SUPERKICK 9000! SUPERKICK 9000!
Dan: OH MAH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!!!!!!!!
Joe: McHawk goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! THREE!
*The bell rings.*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner... DORIAAN MCHAWK!
Joe: McHawk came from behind with a low blow and a surprise Superkick 9000 to take the victory here! He is the first person in the tournament to advance to round 2! BK Punk, despite a valiant effort, will go home the loser here today!
Dan: That was exciting as hell! I can't wait for the next match!
Joe: Neither can I! After the intermission, X-Croc will fight in another round 1 match against a randomized opponent! Who will it be? Find out after the break!
INTERMISSION
*The view is focused on back stage. David R. Kett is standing with X-Croc.*
David: Welcome back to the New FLAW, everyone! David here, standing with one of the competitors in our next match, X-Croc! Now, X-Croc, how do you feel about your upcoming match?
X-Croc: Well, David ol' buddy, I...
*McHawk comes in fron the side of the screen and slaps hands with X-Croc.*
X-Croc: Hey, McHawk! Congratulations on your big win earlier today!
McHawk: Thanks, Crocko! I knew I would win, because... it was my DENSITY! I just came out here to wish you good luck on your match, and also to thank you for letting me keep the time machine.
X-Croc: Hey, it's no problem.
David: Well, that's great and all, but...
McHawk: Who gave you permission to speak?
*McHawk nails David in the jaw with a Superkick 9000, knocking him to the ground unconscious.*
X-Croc: Hahahahahaha! You just killed the interviewer for no reason!
McHawk: Hahaha, yeah, wasn't that bad ass?
X-Croc: Indeed it was. Well, I better get out there for my match.
*X-Croc walks off camera. The view switches to Joe and Dan.*
Joe: Alrighty! The next match in the FLAW Championship Tournament is going to start... right now!
Dan: Woo!
Ring Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a round 1 match of the FLAW Championship Tournament!
*X-Croc's theme song, "Hero" by Papaya, plays as X-Croc leaps from the entrance, surrounded by blue sparks. He then runs down the aisle at full speed.*
Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring... from Puerto Lagarto, Florida, weighing in at 163 pounds... X-CROC!
Joe: X-Croc used to wrestle as Croc Brown as one half of HNC-9000 along with his friend, Doriaan McHawk. However, now that FLAW focuses solely on the singles division, Croc decided to let McHawk keep the time machine, and reverted back to his old superhero identity of X-Croc.
*X-Croc slides into the ring, hops back up and goes to his corner, waiting for his opponent.*
Joe: And here's the moment of suspense! Who is X-Croc's opponent?
Dan: It will be one of the thirteen other people who haven't fought in the tournament yet!
Joe: Stop being a smartass.
Dan: But I'm so good at it!
*Suddenly, "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran plays as Terrance Beauregard makes his way down the aisle.*
Ring Announcer: And his opponent... from Leonardo, Massachusetts, weighing in at 412 pounds... "The Hungry Wolf," TERRANCE BEAUREGARD!
Joe: It's former martial arts champion Terrance Beauregard! It looks like he's let himself go since his glory days, but does he still have what it takes to pull out a win here?
Dan: Let's watch and find out!
*Terrance climbs into the ring and gets into his corner. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Joe: This match is on, and X-Croc wastes no time as he bounces off the ropes and runs straight for Beauregard! X-Croc lashes out with a dropkick to Beauregard's torso! But Beauregard just barely stumbles! X-Croc leaps back up and tries again! He bounces off the ropes, runs at Beauregard, and lands another dropkick! Again, Beauregard is still standing!
Dan: Terrance is one strong mother, I'll tell ya that!
Joe: You got that right. But X-Croc is persistent! He bounces off the ropes again! But this time, he goes for a baseball slide at Beauregard's ankles! But wait! Beauregard leaps into the air to avoid it, and lands with a big splash right on X-Croc's legs!
Dan: Ow! That makes my bad leg hurt just watching it!
Joe: X-Croc is writhing in pain! I don't know if there's much he can do now! Beauregard drags X-Croc back to his feet and leans him up against a turnbuckle! Beauregard takes a few steps back, rushes at X-Croc, and SLAMS into him with his flying fist attack, the Baahn Knackoo! X-Croc stumbles out of the corner, clearly out of it!
Dan: Aw, come on, X-Croc! You can do it!
Joe: Terrance tosses his hat into the air! He's signaling for the end of the match! He grabs X-Croc by the throat, lifts him up, and SLAMS HIM INTO THE MAT WITH A THUNDEROUS CHOKESLAM! X-Croc is out like a light! Beauregard covers! ONE! TWO! THREE!
*The bell rings.*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner by pinfall... TERRANCE BEAUREGARD!
Dan: Aw, I was hoping X-Croc would pull out the victory!
Joe: Alas, it was not to be! With a huge chokeslam, Terrance Beauregard eliminates X-Croc handily, proving that the veteran may still have what it takes to make it far in the world of combat sports! Terrance Beauregard joins Doriaan McHawk as the second of eight people to make it to round 2 of the tournament!
Dan: This is the greatest night in the history of our sport!
Joe: Next time, we'll have two more round 1 matches to determine who else will move on! We'll see you all next time!
Dan: Bye bye!
New FLAW News
Viewer Requests Now Being Accepted
April 23, 2007
In a successful first show here at the New FLAW, two people were able to advance to the next round. First, Doriaan McHawk advanced by defeating BK Punk. Then, it was Terrance Beauregard who claimed the next spot in round 2 by defeating X-Croc.
But now, we are accepting requests on who YOU, the fans, would like to see fight in the next show. Two more matches will be held. The wrestler that the first fan requests will fight in the first fight, while the wrestler selected by the second fan will fight in the second fight, provided he or she is not randomly chosen as the opponent in the first match.
With two wrestlers advanced and two wrestlers eliminated, there are twelve more people that fans can request to see in the next show. They include:
CATS
Captain Happyheart
Don Combo
Azul Combo
Senor Caliente
Robodile
Mars People
Mr. Karate
Giant Enemy Crab
Captain Unhappyheart
Agent BA-2 "J"
Allen O'Neil
So fans, get your requests in, because it's up to YOU to decide who appears in next week's show!