Thursday Night FLAW
February 8, 2007
By Brandon A. Mayo
Joe: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Night FLAW! I'm your play-by-play commentator, Joe Higashi. Accompanying me tonight is leader of the Amigos of Glory and one of our most popular wrestlers, Don Combo.
Don Combo: Hola, amigos!
Joe: On Monday, Don Combo took a mortifying leap off a twenty-foot ladder, and landed directly on the canvas. Luckily, no major damage was done to Combo, and he's here tonight to cheer on his partners in their tag team match.
Don Combo: That ees right, mi amigo! I have no doubt that my daughter and Senor Caliente weel win here tonight, mayn.
Joe: The Amigos of Glory, Senor Caliente and Azul Combo, will be fighting against Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia, also known as "Karate Extreme," tonight in a Texas Tornado tag team match. The winning team will get a chance to become the first ever FLAW Tag Team Champions two weeks from tonight!
Don Combo: The fight weel be mucho exciting, amigos! Do not miss mi partners' debut match!
Joe: Speaking of which, it looks like the match is about to start!
Ring Announcer: This match is the first match in the FLAW Tag Team Championship Tournament, and is being held under Texas Tornado rules!
*The Amigos of Glory's music kicks in and the Amigos of Glory make their way to the ring. The female fans squeal at the sight of Senor Caliente.*
Ring Announcer: Making their way to the ring... From Mexico City, Mexico, at a combined weight of 390 pounds, they are Senor Caliente and Azul Combo... the AMIGOS OF GLORY!
Joe: Boy, listen to those fans! Senor Caliente sure is a ladies' man.
Don Combo: It comes natural to heem, mayn. He's got mucho charisma. And abs like a board for washing.
Joe: Indeed. Your daughter, Azul, certainly has a distinct look. Blue skin and green feathers in place of hair?
Don Combo: She's adopted, mayn. Eet's rumored that her mama was impregnated by a ball of feathers. Just like the Aztec god Huitzilopochtli.
Joe: Huh. How about that.
*Caliente and Azul slide into the ring. When Caliente slides in, his shirt is accidentally ripped off, causing the female fans to squeal even louder. The Amigos of Glory wait in their corner for the opponents. Karate Extreme's music then kicks in, triggering a bunch of cheers from the males, but boos from the females. The team walks down the aisle toward the ring. Robert makes suggestive gestures toward some of the females, making them boo him even louder.*
Ring Announcer: And their opponents... from Southtown, USA, at a combined weight of 352 pounds, they are Ryo Sakazaki and Robert Garcia... KARATE EXTREME!
Joe: Here's Karate Extreme, two very well-known masters of Kyokugen Karate. I've fought them many times in KOF tournaments, and they're very skilled fighters.
Don Combo: They weel lose today, mayn. I like them, though. Eet's just unfortunate they weel be fighting the Amigos of Glory tonight!
*Karate Extreme get in their corner. Ryo does some stretches while Robert makes obnoxious gestures toward Azul. Azul nearly gags in disgust. The Referee signals for the bell.*
Joe: And the fight has begun! Immediately, Sakazaki rushes at Caliente! Sakazaki and Caliente are trading punches with ferocity! Meanwhile, Garcia appears to be making passes at Azul!
Robert Garcia: You're looking blue, baby! I guarantee that'll change after a night with the Robster! *winks*
Don Combo: Oi, let me at that punk! He can not pester mi daughter like dat, mayn!
Joe: Calm down, Don. It looks like Azul has this situation in control! Low blow to Garcia! Garcia falls to the mat! He's rolling in pain! Garcia rolls to the outside to catch a breather, but... WHOA! Azul hits him with a baseball slide! I didn't even see her move!
Don Combo: That's her special skill, mayn. Azul can move her limbs at a rate of seventy times per second. Just like the wings of a hummingbird.
Joe: I see! So that would basically give her super speed!
Don Combo: Si, mi amigo!
Joe: That's cool. Azul goes outside and hoists Garcia to his feet! Azul pummels Garcia with rapid-fire punches! Her punches are a blur! I can barely see them! Oh wait! In the ring, Caliente levels Sakazaki with a clothesline! Caliente goes for a stomp, but Sakazaki rolls out of the way, KOF style! Sakazaki now, back on his feet! Sakazaki hammers Caliente with a Koho uppercut! That's got to hurt! Sakazaki capitalizes on the situation with a flying kick! Caliente falls to the mat! Sakazaki goes for a pin! One! Two! Caliente kicks out at two!
Don Combo: Whew! I was worried for a moment, mayn!
Joe: Sakazaki drags Caliente to his feet! Sakazaki throws a punch, but Caliente blocks it! Caliente hoists Sakazaki above his head! Look at his strength! Caliente with a gorilla press slam on Sakazaki! Caliente goes for a pin! One! Two! Thr-No! Sakazaki kicks out! Caliente runs to the ropes! He rebounds! He's going for a clothesline, but Sakazaki HIP TOSSES HIM OUT OF THE RING! Caliente landed right on top of Azul!
Don Combo: No! Azul! Azul has hollow bones, like a bird, mayn! She can't take too much abuse!
Joe: Azul is out cold! A 275 pound man just crashed on top of her! She's been taken out of the equation! Garcia picks Caliente up and throws him back into the ring! Sakazaki puts Caliente on his shoulders in a fireman's carry position! Sakazaki with a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER on Caliente! I heard he calls it his Southtown Driver!
Don Combo: Aw, mayn! What ees going on?
Joe: Wait... Garcia's going up to the top turnbuckle! He's signaling for his shooting star press, which he calls his Raging Tiger Press! He's going for it! RAGING TIGER PRESS ON CALIENTE! Garcia covers! One! Two! Three! It's over!
Ring Announcer: Here are your winners... KARATE EXTREME!!!
Don Combo: ... *starts drinking beer*
Joe: Karate Extreme win their first tag team match in FLAW, and they'll be competing for the FLAW Tag Team Championship in two weeks! What an amazing battle!
Don Combo: Blah, blah, blah! Beeg deal! *continues to drink*
Joe: Well, now it's time for our intermission! After the break, Captain Happyheart will choose an opponent for his first ever defense of the FLAW Gold Championship! See you then!
INTERMISSION
*Backstage segment. Captain Happyheart is walking backstage past several wrestlers. He stops by Karate Extreme, and slaps them on the shoulders.*
Happyheart: Nice job, guys! You'll be champs before you know it at this rate!
Ryo: Thanks, Captain.
Robert: Good luck in your match, bud.
Happyheart: Why thank you! See you guys later!
*Happyheart walks up to the Amigos of Glory, who look dejected. Azul sees Happyheart and quickly looks away, embarrassed.*
Caliente: Oh, hey, Happyheart.
Happyheart: Hey, why do you look so glum? It's just one match! You'll have other shots at the title in the future, I'm sure of it!
*Happyheart slaps Caliente on the back, causing his shirt to tear and fall off. The female fans shriek in awe.*
Caliente: Damn it! Why does this always happen? Now I gotta go get a new shirt!
*Caliente leaves to go get a new shirt. Happyheart looks at Azul, who's still looking away, embarrassed. Happyheart touches her chin with his hand and gently turns her head, forcing her to look at him. Azul blushes as she looks into Happyheart's black sunglasses.*
Happyheart: Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed! You did really good out there! I was impressed by your performance!
Azul: ...Really? You don't mind that I lost?
Happyheart: Azul, there are more important things than winning. Remember what I taught you! Being happy and having friends you like are the most important things in the world, and no amount of losses will keep me from being your friend! Now c'mere and give me a hug!
*Azul blushes and gulps nervously as Happyheart gives her a big, friendly hug.*
Happyheart: A hug between friends can make anyone feel better! Are you feeling better, Azul?
Azul: Yeah. I guess I am!
Happyheart: Great! Now, I'm sorry to go, but I have a match to get to! See you later!
*Azul looks longingly at Happyheart as he skips down the hall. The view then returns to Joe and Don Combo.*
Joe: Well, hello, and welcome back to Thursday Night FLAW! Captain Happyheart will be arriving soon, and he'll be announcing who his opponent for the night is! Everyone is anxiously awaiting his announcement! Right, Don Combo?
Don Combo: ...huh? Oh, uh, si, mayn... What you said just now... *hiccup*
Joe: Ehehehehe... sorry folks, but it looks like Don Combo has drunken himself into a stupor. Oh, the wonders of live TV!
Ring Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the FLAW Gold Championship!
*Captain Happyheart's music starts, and he skips gaily down the aisle toward the ring as the audience cheers.*
Ring Announcer: From Myrtle Beach, South Carolina... standing at 6'1", and weighing in at 177 pounds... he is the FLAW Gold Champion... CAPTAIN HAPPYHEART!
*Captain Happyheart hops into the ring, and motions for a microphone, which a crew member provides to him.*
Happyheart: First, let me say how excited I am to be wrestling in my home town of MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA!!!
*The audience is dead. Happyheart stands there awkwardly, until a crew member comes up and whispers something in Happyheart's ear.*
Happyheart: Oh, uh, I mean... it sure is great to be wrestling here in PUERTO LAGARTO, FLORIDA!!!
*The audience cheers.*
Happyheart: How'd you guys like that tag team match? Sure was exciting to see Karate Extreme in action, wouldn't you say?
*The audience cheers in approval.*
Happyheart: How would you like to see more of Karate Extreme tonight?!
*Cheers.*
Happyheart: Well tonight, I have to pick a challenger to defend my Gold Championship against, and I realized that Karate Extreme was competing tonight! So I thought, who better to defend my title against than an awesome karate warrior?
*Music kicks in, and a mysterious man in a white gi comes out, wearing a strange red mask. He begins to walk down the aisle, much to the approval of the audience.*
Ring Announcer: And the challenger... standing at 5'11" and weighing in at 193 pounds... MR. KARATE!
Joe: It's Mr. Karate! The legendary Kyokugen master, Mr. Karate, is here! I cannot believe it! Mr. Karate will be fighting for the FLAW Gold Championship!
Don Combo: ...Whatever. *hiccup*
*Mr. Karate leaps into the ring and strikes a pose for all his fans. He then stares right at Happyheart, ready for battle. The Referee asks for the bell to be rung.*
Joe: This fight is underway! Happyheart seems absolutely thrilled to be fighting Mr. Karate! Happyheart makes the first move as he throws a punch! Mr. Karate slaps the punch away and delivers a martial arts combination that stuns Happyheart! Mr. Karate now with an uppercut! Happyheart falls to the floor! Happyheart dodges a stomp, and lashes out with his trademark sweep kick! Happyheart connects, and Mr. Karate now on the floor! Mr. Karate grabs Happyheart's leg and flips him over! He's applying a Boston crab! It should be incredibly painful, but Happyheart's as happy as ever! He pushes himself up onto his hands, and manages to kick out of the maneuver!
*Don Combo falls asleep, and his head slams into the desk.*
Joe: Happyheart struggles back to his feet, but it's obvious that he's hurt! He's limping around, holding his lower back! Despite the obvious pain, though, Happyheart is as cheerful as a schoolgirl! But Mr. Karate charges right back at him! Happyheart drops to the floor, and Mr. Karate leaps over him and keeps running! Mr. Karate rebounds off the ropes, and does a flying elbow drop onto Happyheart's back! Happyheart just laughs it off! Mr. Karate starts stomping repeatedly on Happyheart's lower back! He's targeting that lower back, trying to injure Happyheart to a point where his good spirits won't make a bit of difference!
*Don Combo falls out of his chair.*
Joe: Cleanup on commentary desk one!
*Crew members drag Don Combo away, leaving Joe to commentate on his own.*
Joe: Well, looks like I'm by myself for the rest of this match! Fine by me! Mr. Karate continues to stomp on Happyheart's back! How much of this punishment can Happyheart take? But wait! Happyheart rolls backwards out of the way of that last stomp! He can still fight! Happyheart tries to dropkick Mr. Karate, but the wily martial arts master simply slaps the attack away! But, as Happyheart falls, he spins around with one of his sweep kicks! Happyheart connects, and Mr. Karate is once again on the floor! Happyheart leaps back up, and kicks Mr. Karate right in the family jewels! Mr. Karate winces in pain! While he's stunned, Happyheart snatches his mask off his face! Happyheart tosses the mask outside the ring! Mr. Karate is frantically trying to keep his face covered up! He stands up, but with one arm covering his face, he can't see! Happyheart is hammering Mr. Karate with kicks and punches from all angles as Mr. Karate flails about! Happyheart kicks Mr. Karate in the gut, and wraps his arm around Mr. Karate's head! He's going for his DDT, the Happy Headbreaker! AND THERE IT IS! HAPPY HEADBREAKER! Mr. Karate is stunned on the mat! Happyheart bounces off the ropes, and he delivers a THE LEG DROP! THE LEG DROP! Right across Mr. Karate's face! Happyheart covers! One! Two! Three!
*The bell rings.*
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner, and STILL the FLAW Gold Champion: CAPTAIN HAPPYHEART!
Joe: By snatching Mr. Karate's mask off, Happyheart made Mr. Karate unable to focus on the match, and he was able to capitalize with a great string of offensive moves! Happyheart retains his title here tonight! We're glad you could watch this great night of wrestling with us! Tune in next week on Monday Night FLAW, as CATS faces off against Dan Hibiki in a grudge match, and Mars People defends his Silver Championship against Robodile! Then, on Thursday night, we'll have the second match of the FLAW Tag Team Championship Tournament, as HNC-9000 do battle against the Ice Climbers! Plus, Captain Happyheart defends the Gold Championship against an opponent of his choice! See you then!
FLAW News
Next Week's Schedule Confirmed
February 9, 2007
As mentioned at the end of last night's broadcast, the matches for next week have been decided upon. Here is the complete schedule for next week:
Monday Night FLAW
February 12, 2007
Grudge Match
CATS vs. Dan Hibiki
FLAW Silver Championship Match
Mars People (c) vs. Robodile
Thursday Night FLAW
February 15, 2007
Match 2 of the FLAW Tag Team Championship Tournament
HNC-9000 (Doriaan McHawk & Croc Brown) vs. the Ice Climbers (Popo & Nana)
FLAW Gold Championship Match
Captain Happyheart (c) vs. an opponent of his choice