Monday Night FLAW
January 29, 2007
By Brandon A. Mayo
It's a wild night here tonight at the Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling Arena in Puerto Lagarto, Florida! This is the first night ever of Monday Night FLAW, and we've got a terrific match lined up for the fans tonight: a six-man battle royal for Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling's top prize, the FLAW Gold Championship! The Gold Champion will main event FLAW every week, and there won't be a single week where the belt is not on the line!
In this match, six wrestlers will all compete in the ring at the same time, and eliminate each other by pinfall, submission, or knockout. The last man remaining will become the first ever Gold Champion! In addition, the two wrestlers who finish in second and third place will fight tomorrow night for the Silver Championship, the second biggest title in FLAW!
And so, the night begins as our first competitor, Captain Happyheart, makes his way to the ring. Captain Happyheart is one of the Super-Uber Adventurers, a group of superheroes who defend the world from the evils of E.V.E.L. Will his heroism prove successful tonight?
The next man heading to the ring is Dan Hibiki, a master in his own mind. Dan Hibiki is a Street Fighter who has created his own fighting style, Saikyo-ryu, regarded by many as being the most useless form of karate in the world. Could his luck change here at Monday Night FLAW?
The third man to head to the ring is CATS, a devious intergalactic warlord, renowned for his ability to set up us the bomb and put us on the way to destruction. Will all our belt are belong to him tonight?
The fourth competitor is Robodile, mechanical DJ and master marksman. He is best friends with X-Croc, and previously ran a hero-for-hire service with him, before joining the Super-Uber Adventurers. Robodile doesn't have his guns with him today, but can the robotic reptile still walk away with the gold?
The fifth wrestler is Don Combo, a cerveza-loving master of drunken boxing hailing from Mexico. Once a great competitor in martial arts tournaments, he now is the leader of the Hispanic superhero group known as the Amigos of Glory. Can he regain his former tournament glory here tonight?
The final man to enter the ring is Mars People, a strange tentacled alien from the planet Mars. Exiled from his planet for being too nice to Earthlings, Mars People now seeks to become accepted among the Earth community. Can winning the championship help him achieve his dream?
With all the competitors in the ring, The Referee raises the FLAW Gold Championship high up into the air, showing the six competitors what they're after. Shortly after, the bell rings. The six competitors stare each other down, all waiting to see who will make the first move.
Dan Hibiki, eager to show his awesome skills, jumps to the top of the nearest turnbuckle. However, instead of performing a high-risk aerial maneuver, Dan decides to do one of his trademark leaping taunts. Flexing his arm, Dan jumps into the air, shouting "Yahooie!" However, on the way down, Mars People hits Dan in the stomach with a hard headbutt. Dan reels in pain and lands on the mat with a loud, dull thud. The impact from the fall knocks Dan out, making him the first man eliminated.
With Dan Hibiki out of the way, the five remaining contestants start to slug it out amongst themselves. CATS and Mars People, both being from outer space, decide to make a temporary alliance, and together, they target Robodile. CATS tries to hammer Robodile with punches, but he manages only to damage his own hands on Robodile's hard metallic shell. Robodile then attacks back, hitting CATS with a series of painful chops and punches. Once CATS is softened up, Robodile then Irish whips him into the corner, quickly following up with a powerful shoulder tackle. With CATS stunned, Robodile grabs him and tosses him over the top rope to the outside of the arena.
However, when Robodile turns around, he is ambushed by Mars People, who quickly wraps his tentacles around Robodile's arms, restraining him. Robodile fights to break free of Mars People's grip, but the overwhelming number of tentacles is too much for the big green machine to break free from. Mars People tightens his grip on Robodile's arms, hoping to break them and get the submission win. His consciousness starting to fade, Robodile runs toward the corner, ramming the alien face first into the turnbuckle.
With Mars People dazed, Robodile is able to power out of Mars People's grip. However, it proves to be too little, too late, as CATS slips back into the ring, grabs Robodile by the head, and hits him with his trademark springboard bulldog, the Way to Destruction. Following the move, CATS quickly covers Robodile and gets the easy three count.
Over on the other side of the ring, Don Combo is exchanging blows with Captain Happyheart. The Captain is finding it difficult to hit Combo due to his unpredictable movements. On the other hand, Combo is landing many blows on Happyheart; however, the Captain's inability to become sad or upset keeps him in good spirits.
Frustrated by his inability to make Happyheart acknowledge the blows he's taking, Combo decides to kick things up a notch. Combo quickly grabs two beer bottles off of his belt and smashes them upside Happyheart's head in quick succession. Dazed, Happyheart falls to the ground. Combo uses the opportunity to climb the turnbuckle, and crosses his arms in an X shape above his head, signaling for his finishing move, the Dos Equis. With his arms and legs spread out in another X shape, Combo flies through the air, attempting to splash Captain Happyheart.
However, Happyheart speedily rolls out of the way, causing Combo to land face first on the canvas. Happyheart quickly climbs the turnbuckle and backflips into his Very Merry Moonsault. The high-risk maneuver connects, and the Captain follows it up by covering Combo for the three count.
When Happyheart stands back up, he finds CATS and Mars People staring back at him from across the ring. CATS ominously signals for Mars People to attack Happyheart, and stays behind as backup. The martian turns out to be much faster than one would expect, and soon, Happyheart's arms are tangled up in Mars People's tentacles. With Happyheart restrained, CATS takes the opportunity to grab a television monitor and approach Happyheart, malice in his eyes.
However, just when it looks like Happyheart is about to be finished off, CATS turns on his partner and smashes the alien over the head with the television. Mars People's grip loosens, and the alien falls limp to the canvas. Laughing maniacally, CATS continues to wail away at Mars People's limp body. Finally, The Referee steps in to stop CATS, and checks on Mars People's physical condition. After a quick look at the alien, The Referee rules that Mars People is eliminated via knockout, and signals for the paramedics to take him away. The paramedics, aware of the serious situation, carefully strap Mars People to a stretcher, and wheel him away into the back of the arena.
The audience goes wild as the final two competitors have a staredown in the ring. It's down to Captain Happyheart and CATS for the FLAW Gold Championship!
Captain Happyheart and CATS start to trade blows, with both competitors hammering away at each other with punches. Eventually, Captain Happyheart gains the advantage, as he hits CATS with punch after punch with no end in sight. CATS drops to his knees and begs for mercy; however, when Happyheart lets his guard down, CATS hits Happyheart with a low blow. CATS quickly follows up with a roll-up pin, but Happyheart is able to kick out at two.
Angry and in disbelief, CATS turns around and argues with the referee over the decision. This proves to be a mistake when Happyheart staggers back to his feet, and lashes out with a vicious drop kick to the small of CATS's back. In pain, CATS staggers over to the ropes and leans on them for support. Not letting up on his assault, Happyheart connects with another drop kick, knocking CATS out of the ring.
The Captain doesn't have long to rest, however, as CATS rolls back into the ring, chair in hand, and rushes him. At the last split second, Happyheart is able to duck the chair shot, and immediately hits CATS with a painful sweep kick, knocking CATS to the floor. Happyheart signals for his finishing move, The Leg Drop, and bounces off the ropes. On the rebound, though, CATS grabs Happyheart's leg and trips him, causing him to land face first on the chair CATS had dropped earlier.
CATS then slowly struggles to his feet, and limps over to Happyheart's dazed body. He grabs Happyheart by the collar of his jacket and drags him back up to his feet. Wrapping his arm around Happyheart's head, CATS signals for the Way to Destruction. However, Happyheart suddenly wraps his arms around CATS's waist and lifts him up off the ground! Happyheart then falls backwards, slamming CATS back first into the chair! Happyheart signals for another The Leg Drop, bounces off the ropes, and succeeds in dropping his leg right across CATS's face! Battered and bruised, the Captain manages to cover CATS. The audience waits in anticipation as The Referee makes the count: one, two, three!
We have our first Gold Champion, ladies and gentlemen! Captain Happyheart has managed to outlast five other wrestlers, and he's walking away with the gold tonight! The audience is going wild as Captain Happyheart celebrates his big win here at the Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling Arena!
Well, that's it for tonight, folks. Tune in tomorrow for Tuesday Night FLAW, where CATS and Mars People will battle it out for the Silver Championship! Have a good night!
FLAW News
Narrator Released
January 30, 2007
Fourteen Lasers Awesome Wrestling has come to terms on the release of the narrator. We wish him luck in his future endeavors.
Mars People Injured
January 30, 2007
Following the brutal attack on Mars People by CATS last night, Mars People was admitted to the ICU. The doctors suspect that Mars People has a fractured transfiburon in the back of his cranium. Mars People will be held in the hospital overnight for further diagnosis. Due to this, he will not be able to compete in tonight's Silver Championship match.
New Match Added to Tonight's Show
January 30, 2007
The FLAW officials have officially signed one more match for tonight's episode of Tuesday Night FLAW. In this match, Robodile will go one on one with Don Combo, with the winner getting a shot at the Silver Championship next week on Monday Night FLAW.
Tuesday Night FLAW Delayed
January 30, 2007
Due to unforeseen complications in production, Tuesday Night FLAW will not air tonight; instead, it will air tomorrow as Wednesday Night FLAW.
FLAW Delayed Again
January 31, 2007
The complications in production continue, and FLAW is now set to air this Thursday night.
FLAW Delayed Yet Again
February 1, 2007
Tonight's showing of FLAW has been delayed until anyone shows that they give a damn.